i'm sorry i haven't a clue best jokes

"Dear Mr. Rees, I understand you're looking for suggestions for your 'Quote, Unquote' programme. Billed as "the antidote to panel games", it consists of two teams of two comedians being given "silly things to do" by a chairman. Following reports that BBC Radio 4 considered toning down I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue because of complaints over the smutty jokes, here are some of the show's dirty innuendos from four years of broadcasting. n 11 April 1972 at 12.25pm, between a You and Yours discussion on Whats new in playground equipment and a World at One report on Labour party turmoil over the Common Market referendum, BBC. (Humphrey Lyttleton's final joke on the show, recorded shortly before his death in April 2008), "You'll be accompanied by Colin Sell on the piano. Bliss. Dear King Harold, Good news! Jeremy Hardy: remembering the comedians funniest jokes and quotes, 34 of the best Valentines Day jokes and funniest one-liners, 30 of Michael McIntyres best jokes and funniest one-liners, Best father of the bride jokes for a wedding speech to remember, 100 best Christmas jokes and funniest festive season one-liners, 100 of the funniest dirty jokes that will make you laugh and gasp, Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimers 41 best jokes and most surreal quotes, 25 of Dara Briains best jokes and funniest quotes, The 28 funniest Greg Davies jokes and quotes, The best Graham Norton jokes and most scathing put-downs, Here are 10 of the funniest jokes written by kids, 35 of the funniest jokes by Northern comedians, The 31 funniest South Park jokes and quotes, 100 of the funniest ever jokes and best one-liners, 100 of the best knock knock jokes (some of which are actually funny), 34 of Lee Evans funniest jokes and quotes, 30 of Romesh Ranganathans funniest jokes and quotes, 26 of Sara Pascoes funniest jokes and quotes, 41 of Eddie Izzards funniest jokes and quotes, 41 of David Mitchells funniest jokes and quotes, 21 of Rhod Gilberts funniest jokes and one-liners, 45 of the funniest 8 out of 10 Cats jokes, 41 of Stewart Francis most ingenious jokes and one-liners, 19 of the funniest World Cup jokes from stand-up comedians, 100 pun-based jokes that will make you laugh and cringe, 50 Edinburgh Fringe one-liners that deserved to win Funniest Joke, 31 Best Man jokes that will work for any wedding, 100 of the funniest short jokes that will have you laughing in seconds, 105 of the best clean jokes and one-liners, 50 football jokes to make you laugh or groan, 100 of the best jokes for kids that are actually funny, 25 of Peter Kays most ingenious jokes and one-liners, 26 of Stewart Lees most gloriously acerbic jokes, 17 of Ken Dodds most ingeniously funny jokes, 27 of Sarah Millicans laugh out loud jokes, 50 of Jimmy Carrs funniest jokes and one-liners, 50 of Milton Joness most ingenious jokes and one-liners, 50 of Tim Vines most ingenious jokes and one-liners, 50 of Frankie Boyles funniest (and darkest) jokes, 25 of Charlie Brookers most cutting jokes and insults, 25 of Lee Macks wittiest jokes and one-liners, 75 of Billy Connollys best jokes, one-liners and quips, 30 of the best-ever jokes about Scotland from Scotland, 29 best Gavin and Stacey quotes and funniest jokes from James Corden and Ruth Jones comedy, 38 of the funniest Ron Swanson quotes that made Parks and Recreation unmissable, 31 Richard Madeley quotes, gaffes and surreal moments that prove he truly is Alan Partridge, Valentines poems: 32 most romantic quotes from historys greatest poets, 38 of the most darkly funny League of Gentlemen quotes, 41 of the funniest quotes from The Good Place about life and death, 30 of Stephen Frys funniest jokes and quotes, Burt Reynolds greatest quotes remembering the actors wit and wisdom following his death aged 82, 23 of Outnumbereds funniest (and possibly unscripted) quotes), 35 of Blackadders most cunning quips and insults, 29 of the most outlandishly funny Mighty Boosh quotes, 20 of the most absurdly funny quotes from Nathan Barley, 39 of the greatest Brass Eye and Day Today quotes, 25 of the most outrageous Summer Heights High quotes, 25 of the funniest ever Still Game quotes, Red Dwarf: 30 of the funniest quotes and one-liners, Derry Girls: 35 of the funniest quotes and one-liners, 25 of the most cantankerous Martin Crane quotes from Frasier, 25 of the most textbook Alan Partridge quotes, 20 of The Young Ones most gloriously silly quotes, When Mercury retrograde ends and meaning behind the astrological event, Irans secret war on British soil: Poison plots, kidnap attempts and kill threats, Disabled children locked out of 210m in savings as senior Tories demand trust fund rule change, Rishi Sunak to use coronation for diplomatic 'speed dating' blitz with world leaders, 'I was spiked and raped but saw no justice. 2021 Associated Newspapers Limited. . It says on my thing here, you all keep going until it stops being funny. Another bumper collection of classic fun and games from the award-winning BBC Radio 4 comedy show. 49 of Monty Pythons funniest jokes I don't think I was meant to read that bit." So what I can say from experience is that it takes a lot of guts and perseverance and courage to stop drinking. She says she's got an expert handler coming round to give a demonstration. She says he's looking forward to showing her Cardiff and Cardigan Bay, before going on to Bangor in the back of his van. To order a copy for 15.99 (incl p&p) call 0843 382 0000. Lyttelton's Britain: A User's Guide to the British Isles As Heard On BBC Radio's I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue, by Iain Pattinson, is published by Preface. As to his not being a comedian: that is also untrue. Across the 50 years, the series has only twice seemed close to ending. Then I thought, thats what often happens in the recordings., One of its new stars, Pippa Evans, remembers a mad lockdown recording, where Barry Cryer kept taking his headphones off and we couldnt get his attention. 34 of Lee Evans funniest jokes and quotes Certainly up there with "Ant looked on in horror as he went down with both hands on deck". Alternative definitions for some familiar English words: Macaroon To leave a Scotsman on a desert island, Mishmash What Sean Connery will do if he doesnt get to church on Sunday, Pantomime Underwear for the hard of hearing, Pastiche What Sean Connery eats in Cornwall, Pomegranate Australian for a Englishman made of stone, Reindeer A Michael Winner weather prediction, Scruple Cross between a screw top and a ring pull, Tenure How they describe a decade in the West Country, Testicle A boat makers first attempt at a coracle, Toll Where you try to put the ball in on a Yorkshire golf course, Truculent That lorry you used to rent out, Warehouse A person who turns into a house at the Full Moon, Wince A setting on Jonathan Rosss washing machine, The comments below have not been moderated, By He'll carefully take out her 38 bees and soon have them flying round his head. This wasn't an act - he really couldn't have cared less. As BBC Radio 4 agrees not to tone down I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue, here are some of the show's smutty Samantha jokes over the past four decades 26 of Sara Pascoes funniest jokes and quotes But, at 12.52 on a Thursday afternoon, a Radio 4 punchline landed the most taboo word in broadcasting using Clues signature trick of blue-chip filth where the rudeness isnt visible on the script, but is made audible in the delivery. (November 2006), "In her spare time, Samantha likes nothing more than to peruse old record shops. As BBC Radio 4 agrees not to tone down I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue, . We think your paintings are extremely promising. 75 of Billy Connollys best jokes, one-liners and quips In fact, we heard from him earlier, singing 'You put your left leg in, You put your right leg in', and then realised he was reading from the instructions that came with his trousers. I can tell by your face that stuff really does do exactly what it says on the tin. ", "If at any point I disapprove strongly you'll hear this (*blows horn*), unless I give Samantha a go, in which case you'll hear this (*lady screams*). But one practice still makes it a bit of a wall of death. Following the death of Humphrey Lyttelton in 2008, the show used regular guest panellists Stephen Fry, Jack Dee and Rob Brydon as guest presenters for the 51st series, before choosing Jack Dee as the permanent chairman the following series. Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimers 41 best jokes and most surreal quotes Garden recalls a meeting with then BBC director general, Mark Thompson, at which Thompson cried: Double everyones pay!, Fees have remained unchanged since, say insiders. I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue is a BBC radio comedy panel game. Caberet - wide range of taxis for hire. ", "Hang on - what do you mean you write his scripts?". Do hope you havent embarked on another career. Accusations of homophobia resulted from a running gag, straddling two centuries, about Lionel Blair, dancer and team captain of ITVs charades-based game show Give Us a Clue. Barry and I worked together for 50 years on I'm Sorry I Havent A Clue, and our gleeful spin off You'll Have Had Your Tea with Hamish and Dougal. ", [Lyttelton discusses the "eleven jokes in the world"; i.e., the 11 types of humour.]. This houses a fine collection of vintage aircraft including the Vickers Boxkite biplane, which one Bert Hinkler flew here in 1921. Here's just a selection to remind you: Samantha has to nip out now as she has promised to style her new gentleman friend's hair for him. Together they form a body of work stretching across five decades, from Cambridge in 1960 to today's world-beating Antidote to Panel Games, a laughter-bringer . The keeper said if he caught Colin throwing them at the ducks again, he'd call the police. The unfortunate demise of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark, William Caxton invents the Printing Press, Sir Walter Raleigh presents tobacco and potatoes at the court of Elizabeth I, Oedipus Rex blinds himself after marrying his mother, Jocasta, Joseph and his Amazingly Technicolor Entrecote, It seems to me I've heard this song beef-, If you like it, you should have put an electronic tag on it, If you liked it, you should've put a wheelclamp on it, If you liked it, you should have put herring on it, Cheese Eaten Too Close To Bedtime On Elm Street, The Long Way Round, Avoiding The River Kwai, Bring Me Someone Who Knows Alfredo Garcia, Four Engagement Parties and a Bloke Who Doesn't Feel Very Well, Let's Hope Nobody Comes and Snatches These Bodies. ", "Samantha has just started keeping bees, and already has three dozen or so. Frazier has been assigned to Triple-A Charlotte. Sometimes he would even read the stage directions. Read about our approach to external linking. "Samantha has been working down in the gramophone library today, where the archivists have been engaged in a heated argument about who sits at which desk to get the best view of Samantha's shapely legs. . Find many great new & used options and get the best deals for I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue Box Set Of 6 CD's Used at the best online prices at eBay! All rights reserved. Sell, on his living-room piano, could hear the panellists but, due to the time delay, they were singing half a bar behind. a lamppost, Et tu. English writer, comedian and actor Barry Cryer has died at the age of 86. "The antidote to panel games", I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue is a BBC radio comedy show. The sound isn't terribly good. "Buffet" is a French word that means "get up and get it yourself.". 25 of Charlie Brookers most cutting jokes and insults Since its inception 'Clue' has seen its success blossom from the impish son of 'I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again' to the big daddy of all panel games. Cryer, who was called "giant of British comedy", was well-known for his role on BBC Radio 4's I'm Sorry I Haven't A. 2 days until dreams become reality. . Something wrong there. Thanks for that nugget . He often said that the others on the show were professional comedians, so why would he, a trumpeter, try to compete? As he didn't get involved in the writing, he could make great play of being dismissive of his script and bolster his "couldn't care less" attitude. This evening she has an expert beekeeper coming round to show her a few tricks of the trade, and he says he'll quickly have her 38 bees out and flying round his head." 38 of the funniest Ron Swanson quotes that made Parks and Recreation unmissable It consists of two teams of two comedians "given silly things to do" by a chairman. Yours sincerely, Mrs. Trellis, North Wales, Dear David Dickinson, I can sum up why the BBC have your programme on TV every night in three words: Cheap As Chips. Most centred around his assistant and scorer, the ever-delightful Samantha. He just found certain things funny, and he shared them with people around him whom he hoped would also find them funny. 30. ", "Actually, it's been said that one has more chance of being struck by lightning than meeting a piano player like Colin Sell which is why we all spent most of last week standing out in the rain holding metal rods. From George W. Bush: Yo Blair You got it wrong. I found it very frustrating. In fact, he thought of the title for 'Alice in Wonderland' when he thought of Sunderland and changed the first letter. Humphrey Lyttelton was a born comedian - but even he had a script. So I think the BBC leaned on us. 35 of the funniest jokes by Northern comedians Condition: Very Good Very Good. As the worldwide economic crisis marches on, the contestants offer a selection of low-budget remakes of famous films and television shows: Harry Potter And The Paul Daniels Magic Set. We are no longer accepting comments on this article. I'M SORRY I HAVEN'T A CLUE. Following a great roar of appreciation at the introduction of a favourite round, he once told the audience: "Now go off and invade Czechoslovakia." Just off to work now dear. He said she was delighted to see his little firm won. Can you tell me where the expression 'Dull as Ditch Water' comes from? Born in Farnborough, Hampshire, in 1961, Hardy gained recognition on the comedy circuit in the. The 72nd series of the multi award-winning comedy panel game chaired by Jack Dee. ", "Some experts believe that it might take its title from a town in Ireland, which is generally associated with meaningless nonsense. 30 of Stephen Frys funniest jokes and quotes Back in the day I seem to remember hearing one of the team saying that when Humphrey passed on (for he was the oldest) they'd end the programme as a mark of respect, and also on the basis that no-one could replace Lyttleton. Clued out former long-serving panellists Barry Cryer and Willie Rushton. Much play was made of Humph as the "purveyor of blue-chip filth", and he liked that title. 50 football jokes to make you laugh or groan Barry Cryer, Graeme Garden, Tim Brooke-taylor, Jack Dee Et Al "Dear David Dickinson, I can sum up why the BBC have your programme on TV every night in three words: Cheap As Chips. 21 of Rhod Gilberts funniest jokes and one-liners 1.7K views, 25 likes, 1 loves, 2 comments, 4 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Kimball Concert Association: Evil Lives Here 2023 S5E14 Pls Join Group :. Graeme Garden, who devised the show, is surprised by its longevity. She says that she doesn't mind if they want to dicker about three times a week. . ", "Close by is Wycombe Air Park. He's recently become a bit of an expert with the pan pipes so if anyone has a blocked toilet they want cleared", "As ever, Colin Sell will be providing backup on the piano, although that's by no means his only instrument. , updated "", "Incidentally, Colin's first TV appearance was when he played the mouth organ in Black Lace. Most comedy performers prefer to have some involvement in the writing process. Jul 27, 2018 - A compilation of every single Lionel Blair joke (as well as a few with Una Stubbs and Christopher Biggins) from the BBC Radio 4 panel game "I'm Sorry I Haven. . He would delight in stopping, mid-performance, to announce that when he was supposed to say "genteel", for example, the script said "gentile". Is this the Guinness Book of World Records record for Guinness Book of World Records? All rights reserved. 41 of the funniest quotes from The Good Place about life and death I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue Box Set Of 6 CD's Used. Rounds included team members being required to sing Three Blind Mice to the tune of Old Man River; other challenges included improvising rhyming lines. However, given the graphic nature of the sexual acts that were "inadvertently" described, that is at least borderline disingenuous. ", "Piano accompaniment will be provided by Colin Sell, a man who doesn't know the meaning of "disharmony". As BBC Radio 4 agrees not to tone down Im Sorry I Havent a Clue, here are some of the show's smutty Samantha jokes over the past four decades. 87 ratings5 reviews I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue is the most listened to comedy programme on British radio. And then the Anthony Worrell-Thompson sausages. I think the Clue boys were quite pleased to have fresh people in.. The five funniest games from I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue Hilarious, embarrassing, and bizarre challenges set by the chairman, Jack Dee. She says he's looking forward to showing her Cardiff and Cardigan Bay, before going on to Bangor in the back of his van. Lazy cow hasnt even taken her milk in for a fortnight!, Try saying: Whale Oil Beef Hooked without sounding like an Irish man swearing., One of my friends went on a murder weekend now he is doing life for it., A sewage farm. ", "Dear Mr Melly: Here's a great tip for removing any annoying little hairs that collect in the bath plughole: tempt them up with a carrot and pull them out by their long floppy ears. I like to ring them up, and play the sound of running water down the phone., Ive had my run-ins with booze; its well documented. 41 of Eddie Izzards funniest jokes and quotes 72. Iain Pattinson the man who wrote the gags for I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue, recalls his razor-sharp wit, Original reporting and incisive analysis, direct from the Guardian every morning, 2023 Guardian News & Media Limited or its affiliated companies. We go through the songs once in rehearsal, says Sell, so I can change key and pick up their pace. Im not interested anyway. I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue: smuttiest jokes As BBC Radio 4 agrees not to tone down I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue, here are some of the show's smutty Samantha jokes over the past four decades . That's not to say he wasn't the complete professional, but he didn't need to prove anything. ", "Samantha has to nip out now as she has a new gentleman friend. " Humph In Wonderland " was a Christmas special. Such was the transformation from the words I'd cobbled up into the masterful performance provided by this octogenarian, Old Etonian trumpet-player, I could collapse with laughter along with the rest of the audience, as if I'd never heard my own words before. to the best of my recollection. 26 of Stewart Lees most gloriously acerbic jokes She says she doesn't mind looking up and seeing him hung like a baboon. Will Somebody Shut Those Bloody Lambs Up? Garden remembers: We had one complaint about Samantha, which the BBC took incredibly seriously and promised she would be removed from the premises. I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue is a BBC radio comedy panel game. 100 of the funniest short jokes that will have you laughing in seconds Recorded in 2008 at The Lowry in Salford. P.S. Dear Arch Druid of Wiltshire, You are hereby advised that planning permission has been denied for the erection of a large henge of stone. Panel Game (according to the introduction, "the antidote to panel games") broadcast on BBC Radio 4 and the "classic radio" station BBC 7. 'We're not your enemies!' On 13 April 2002, during a round of Uxbridge English Dictionary in which new definitions are given to old words Stephen Fry offered: Countryside to kill Piers Morgan.. I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue is the most listened to comedy programme on British radio.It regularly attracts an audience of 2.5 million listeners on Radio 4, a figure that would put it comfortably into the top ten programmes on BBC2 or Channel 4. Im Sorry I Havent a Clue is greatest radio comedy, says panel, Original reporting and incisive analysis, direct from the Guardian every morning, 2023 Guardian News & Media Limited or its affiliated companies. Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand broadcast an offensive phone call to the actor Andrew Sachs. Edit: I feel like a lot of people still aren't getting that this is a "power to Control Sea" joke :) I read in some mythology that Medusa, King Midas, and Oedipus all raised a child together. Fortunately, this changed over the years, with the introduction of regular female guests including Victoria Wood (who had been identified as a future mainstay before she died at 62). 30 of Michael McIntyres best jokes and funniest one-liners Incidentally, we've just heard some great news - I'm very pleased to announce that the BBC have arranged a special collection of Colin's entire work they've bagged it up, & the council are sending some men round for it on Tuesday. I then begin to type, inspired by the thought of how the hell I'm going to pay the mortgage. A Mrs Trellis of North Wales has written in to complain that the show has 'an enormous fistful of rampant innuendo rammed into every crack', but only a truly filthy-minded person would think such a thing. So Id rehearse it one key and then, in the recording, put it up a bit higher to throw him.. To claim that Humph didn't know what he was doing on Clue is, of course, complete nonsense. Although Blair was heterosexual, his camp manner and balletic skills seeded a game of radio mime in which the punchlines alluded to gay sex. mw963 Posts: 2,844. In which the teams introduce the guests arriving at a society ball, this time from the construction industry: Will you welcome please, Mr and Mrs Cotter-Tiling and their son, Terry, And from Ireland, Mr and Mrs ODoors and their son, Paddy, Mr and Mrs Antilers and their son Rufus, Mr and Mrs Loadabricks and their son Laurie, Mr and Mrs Duz-Merchants and their son, Bill. Hosted by Humphrey Lyttelton, and originally played by Barry Cryer, Tim Brooke-Taylor, Graeme Garden, Willie Rushton, a range of guests have performed on the programme's panel since it began. She visits the old men down there every so often to get new material for the show, but it's a trifle unorganised down there. ", "While Samantha nips out to warm up her little Morris", "While Samantha nips over to Prague for a quick check-up", "Before I nip out with Samantha for a time honoured blow on the seafront", "While Samantha and I nip out with my flexible friend to make a large withdrawal", "As Samantha tells me it's time to let her whippet out", "Samantha tells me she's expecting a visit from a film producer in her dressing room after the show. . The manageress at Dorothy Perkin's says if she catches him in there again, she'll call the police. 20 of the most absurdly funny quotes from Nathan Barley When Humphrey Lyttelton was alive, and I'd meet fans of Radio 4's I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue, and they discovered I wrote his scripts, the conversation would invariably go something like this: "It must be such a joy to work with Humph. Under I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue's founding compere, the late Humphrey Lyttleton, the Samantha jokes were widely recognised as masterpieces of wordplay and innuendo, but current host,. The show is introduced as "The Antidote to Panel Games" and consists of a panel of four comedians, split into two teams and "given silly things to do" by a chairman. Mayhew-Archers view is that we were able to get away with jokes in Clue that other shows couldnt because Graeme and Tim [Brooke-Taylor of The Goodies] and the others were revered. 31 Richard Madeley quotes, gaffes and surreal moments that prove he truly is Alan Partridge Best father of the bride jokes for a wedding speech to remember 50 of Jimmy Carrs funniest jokes and one-liners . The 71st series of the multi-award-winning comedy panel game chaired by Jack Dee. 16 of Barry Chuckles greatest jokes I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue (BBC Radio 4, 11 April 1972 - ) is a British radio comedy programme which describes itself as "the antidote to panel games ". ", "Actually, we were all very impressed to learn that Colin once played alongside Roy Orbison. Have a nice day day at the orafice., I read an article that said if you regularly drink two glasses of wine a day, you could be well on your way to becoming an alcoholic. Samantha has to nip off now as she's selling her seaside apartment. I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue is greatest radio comedy, says panel For his first 17 years as producer, says Naismith, he "was the only one to hear the show before it went out". Love your butter., 38 of the funniest cat jokes and memes Hosted by Humphrey Lyttelton, and originally played by Barry Cryer, Tim Brooke-Taylor, Graeme Garden, Willie Rushton, a range of guests have performed on the programme's panel since it began. Let's move on. I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue is just a small part of BBC Radio 4's long proud history of gentle comedy with added smut. After countryside, the second most legendary piece of smut is probably a report of Samanthas visit to a gastropub where she didnt fancy the landlords sausage but said shed really like his tongue in cider. He also has problems with the words "stop", "that", "dreadful" and "racket". Samantha first appeared on 18 May 1985. 50 Edinburgh Fringe one-liners that deserved to win Funniest Joke While the shows inventive innuendo is one of its great attractions for fans, the jokes are considered too rude or sexist for some. "Dear Mrs Lawley, Here's an idea: How about a celebrity version of 'Desert Island Disks'? Also, Samantha was usually the instigator of these alleged events she was never taken advantage of and also, finally, she didnt exist. The matter was eventually settled by alternating her duties with Sven, an equally libidinous male. Yes, Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into. In fact, they no longer were my words. ", "Samantha tells me she has to nip out to help an old man next door who has trouble using his stairlift. Or: " the title will be provided by the technical wizardry of the multi-pixelated laser display screen. She doesn't know much about racing, but she's already seen something to admire in his jockeys. Valentines poems: 32 most romantic quotes from historys greatest poets Let me introduce four of them. Before Chairman Humph, panel games had been chaired by nice chaps (and they invariably were chaps) who hoped we'd all enjoy the show as much they were going to enjoy delighting each other with their wit and wisdom. All episodes of I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue. I'm Sorry I Haven't a ClueThe Complete Lionel Blair (1993-2007) Mark Campbell 1.45K subscribers Subscribe 212K views 4 years ago A compilation of every single Lionel Blair joke (as.

Distance Dakar Ziguinchor Par La Route, Handley Funeral Home Obituaries Danville, Wv, Scottish Championship Football Prize Money, Articles I